The Perfect Birth

For the “Birth Stories” series I share with you this beautiful story of a positive birth experience during COVID. I always suggest that my clients write the story of their birth. A written birth story is a wonderful way to record your birth as much of what happens is forgotten over time. And I warmly thank this amazing woman, Iveta, for allowing me to be on her side and to write this story to share with you all.

The perfect birth!

When I heard women talking about how much they enjoyed their birth I was skeptical. I was pretty sure they lied! How can you possibly enjoy another person emerging out of your lady parts? How can you “enjoy each contraction”? That sounded like a load of bs to me.

The first birth was hard for me. It was long. And emotionally hard. Mostly because I was in a new country, everything happened in a language I had learned only for a short period. The “active” birth for me at the first birth was 18h. I was tired. And as much as I wanted to do everything natural I agreed to stimulation and Epidural at the end. I was tired. The baby was born 4850g and was healthy.

The doctor said – I was made to give birth to big babies. He just “didn’t want to come out”.

So when we started to plan the second baby I started to learn more about birth. Read A LOT of books. A lot of the natural birth books talked about doulas. How good it is to have one. I remember what I said at the first pregnancy when someone suggested me to get a doula. I said, “I don’t need an over-enthusiastic woman to sit next to me and cheer me up- I will punch her”.

But somehow when I got pregnant for the second time I knew- I should get a doula. I was in doubt. I was sure all of them are sugar-coated. Too sweet. That they will tell me – push it. Push it. You go, girl! Or something like that. So I started to do research.

Due to my research, I found that each of them is very different. Different practices, different people, different nationalities.

I saw Tamara. I saw her picture and I knew – this is her. Like a love story – no? I guess you have to fall a bit in love with your doula.

Still, I did my research. I met with some other doulas, and somehow it just didn’t click. I met Tamara and enjoyed her peace. Before I met her the COVID horror just had started, but still “far away” from all of our minds.

So then came the crazy news. COVID was here and the birthing wards told us that only one can be with you at the birth. I felt very down. We had recently signed the agreement with Tamara and I didn’t know who will I choose.

But Tamara’s calmness helped me to agree that “we shall see what will happen”… But still, I decided to start birth preparation with her.

My issue was mostly emotional. So we prepared for birth by figuring out what am I scared of. And we figured them out, slowly. The process was not easy, you prepare to bring a new life in by letting the most painful memories go. Tamara was there for it. That was the most important thing for me, as I knew my biggest issue at last birth was letting go. Also, we talked a lot. A lot. And even though I won’t be able to tell you the specific topics – it was all very therapeutic.

She invited my husband to a meeting with us. So we talked about how he felt at our first baby’s birth. I found out much I never heard of. Then she showed him all the techniques to help with the pain in the first labor stage. Even my husband liked Tamara – he said she comes with calmness and peace. So we both agreed that she will join me in the birth, and he will stay home and hopefully can call in with face time.

I took also the “Conscious Birth. Empowerment for the mother to be” course – and that is a life-changer. That is a course that actually can help you in all life events. You think about questions you normally just push away in your mind, find out about yourself more in these hours than in your life.

We talked also about uncomfortable topics, and I never knew how much I needed them. To talk about things I normally hate even thinking about.

I had a rather complicated birth story – the first stage started two weeks before the actual birth. And Tamara was excellent help. I was not sure what to do, and at the times when I panicked she was so calm, and always came up with a helpful tip. We had many phone calls during this time when I got nervous or just could not deal with all this anymore. She was all the time calm, but yet not annoying – her best quality of all. 🙂

On the day of birth, I was not sure I will give birth at all. It was the same story – contractions start strong, and then end. I went for a walk, contractions ended and I thought well this is it. Not today. And suddenly – bams – my water broke. It took for Tamara 15 minutes to get to the hospital. We met there and she was the best birth partner a woman could hope for. She was helping me during contractions with massages when I got tired she gave me inhalations of essential oils (and I normally don’t like essential oils, these were scents I enjoyed). And in between she just kept company with light chatter- that is what I wanted.

When the last stage of labor started she was there for me. Me, who never likes hand holding or anything – suddenly needed a hand to hold to. And no questions asked she was there for me again. She suggested positions I might like and kept reminding me to drink water.

She was there with cookies when I had to eat and with vitamin water when I couldn’t get anything else in me. I had exactly the birth I dreamed of (except the fact that my husband was on FaceTime except being there). Tamara even held the phone at the end so my husband could see the baby and how I’m cutting the umbilical cord.

We welcomed together a nice, big boy. And I can say I have not regretted my decision to take my doula with me to birth, instead of my husband. I hope though no woman would have to do the decision, it is a tough one.

After the birth, she answered all the questions and helped me with breastfeeding. Made our awesome food. Was there for us with her amazing calmness and love. Taught us the Butterfly touch massage and taught me also the Malaysian belly binding method.

My pregnancy was hard, but the act that I had a support person there, even only at the end of it – made it better.

I learned a lot, especially that we all make decisions on how to deal with our life. You can let yourself be, or work with yourself. There is a lot up to destiny, but even more in your hands. You can learn to let go of difficult parts of your life. And by learning how to do that you can welcome new beginnings. Like a beautiful little bundle of joy. You can have the birth you dream of. You just need someone with the knowledge to give you a little help.

Thank you, Tamara!

– Thanks to you, Iveta –

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